WINDOW or AISLE?

Church bathroom graffiti. Presbyterians be hardcore, man.

npr:

If you’ve ever lamented the time and effort it takes to brew or procure a cup of coffee, this might perk you up. “Breathable Energy. Anytime. Anyplace.” (via Inhalable Caffeine: Party Drug Or Handy, Pocket-Sized Boost? : The Salt)

Photo: Breathable Foods

I need this. But in a simpler to use form. Breathing takes soooo much effort.

Adding this to my wine cellar (a wire shelf next to the fridge) alongide my prized “Bitch” and “Monogamy” bottles. And thus my wine collection is complete.

The driver was a young Asian female. I know, we’re all shocked.

She said she was on a job interview. She wiped her mouth with a tissue and tucked her bra into her purse. Her panties? Left in lieu of a resume.

scarletjohanssoning:

Ernie Johansson

(via paulscheer)

You know. I complained about your overgrown hedges. They were a public menace what with the blocking of the sidewalk and all. Then I noticed you hacked a few branches off last week. And discourteously left them right in the middle of the sidewalk. Now I see you’ve finally given up the attempt to claim this particular patch of sidewalk for yourselves (this isn’t Oregon Trail, you can’t just settle land as you wish anymore) and what have you gone and done? The worst hedge-trimming job ever, that’s what. You should be run out of the town for this visual blight, but of course we’re all too nice for that, a character flaw of a large percentage of Pacific Northwest residents, I find. So, I just want to let you know that I hate your hedges still.

What shall we bring to the BBQ tomorrow?

Young lady, you’re not getting on the plane wearing that. This isn’t the Disney Channel Hooker Jet Plane…Airline. If these people wanted teenage whores they’d be on their way to Thailand, not L.A. Wait. That doesn’t work at all. Anyway, two finger rule. It works for both length and tightness of clothing. Learn it, use it, love it. And pass it on to your even younger sister there. Your father would say you both look like hussies.

I sort of feel like there must be a more…advanced way to indicate which wheel belongs on which side of the humongous motor vehicle. Perhaps we ought to outsource this to a nation that can handle such challenging tasks?

Things that are not helpful to hear when you are about to have a needle stuck in your spine:

1. “Do you know if they gave you all of the sedative out here last time you had this done [preop/recovery area] or did you get some in the OR?”

Hmmm…those initials after your name make me assume you know what to do. I’m just here for the drugs. But since you value my opinion, the Pre-op room seems like a perfectly good place to do the preparatory procedures.

2. “Oops, blew through another vein.
Just went all the way through. Didn’t mean to use you as a pin cushion today, honey.”

Well, as long as you didn’t mean to, it’s all good.

Two women with dolls at LAX, a study in humanity, by Rachel c. 2011

Yes, I said dolls. Grown-ass women. With dolls. In christening gowns.

Suburban horrors, part ‘I have no idea what number in an unending series”: I am totally calling the appropriate officials about this— some people are NOT trimming their hedges properly. To the poopers in the split level at 8629: your hedges are overhanging the sidewalk. I am going to get all up in your grill about this. Are you picking up what I am putting down on the ground in front of you, not overly aggressively I hope, dog? P.s. Speaking of grills, is that perchance a Viking 53” grill on your patio there? How do you like ‘er? She’s a real beaut. She burn hot enough for ya? Our Schnoodle puppy would just love that rotisserie spit on it, she does so love her roasted chicken.